I tend to say, “I struggled,” past tense. Who am I kidding? I still struggle sometimes. I may not be underweight anymore but I’m susceptible to loneliness and depression, and when that happens I abuse food. I eat when I’m not hungry, and I can’t control how much. If I start eating a jar of nut butter I don’t stop until it’s all gone, even though I’m no longer enjoying it. I start feeling like my life is falling apart, out of my control, and I don’t know what to do about it. I think about all the things that used to be better, or that I wish I could change in the future. I get grouchy and stubborn and ignore everyone around me. I’m reluctant to get out of bed or leave the house. I realize that I could make the effort to improve my mood, but there’s something satisfying about being miserable so I don’t want to.
Here’s where the part that says, “But now I know that…”/“But then I go running and it’s all better…”/“But then I remember that…” should go. Right now that wouldn’t be accurate, and I’m still struggling.
I did run a few sprints up my driveway this morning, which was an improvement over yesterday. Just focusing on doing more and thinking less, keeping busy so I don’t have time to worry. If you ever feel like this too, please know you’re not alone.
- Claire
Here’s where the part that says, “But now I know that…”/“But then I go running and it’s all better…”/“But then I remember that…” should go. Right now that wouldn’t be accurate, and I’m still struggling.
I did run a few sprints up my driveway this morning, which was an improvement over yesterday. Just focusing on doing more and thinking less, keeping busy so I don’t have time to worry. If you ever feel like this too, please know you’re not alone.
- Claire
